What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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