i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
