girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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