im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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