We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
