if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
