You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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