hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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