I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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