thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
