Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
