cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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