I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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