She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
