when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
3 2 1 whiskey
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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