i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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