I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
