Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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