He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
