from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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