Someone shit on the floor
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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