It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
