we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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