need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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