Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize