my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize