We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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