i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
