just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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