I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
