"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
