I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
