I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
