He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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