I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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