i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
