Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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