You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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