my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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