He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
