Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
