I am puke
can u get pink eye on your cock?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
