i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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