Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Actions speak louder than pants.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I will pee on everything he values.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
