Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
