I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Randomize
