i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
