And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
