He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So vagazzling was a success
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
