Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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