Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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