tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
