I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
