Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
