She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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