After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
