please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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