I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All the doctor said was why
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize