I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
