sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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