i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
