And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
