Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
