i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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