somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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