I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
