i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
