sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
