i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
