I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He felt like a one man threesome
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
