i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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