i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
