nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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